Grateful Reflections on Experiences that Changed Me by Don Evans

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Glorious and Messy, - in our selves and in others

append delete Dee Dussault

(pp.15-16) "I'm convinced that the more deeply each of us 'digs" within ourselves the more we uncover what all of us share as human beings, whether this be glorious or messy - and the more we uncover what is distinctive about ourselves, whether glorious or messy!"

Don’s comment really touched me and I have read it again and again. I myself am finding that the more self-aware and self-loving I become, the more I notice and appreciate the particular constellation of attributes that make me distinct and unique. At the same time, there seems to be less and less desire (or need) to imbue this unique personality with egoic meaning-making that strengthens the feeling of separation from other people and the whole. I am learning to appreciate and increasingly come to know my unique self, and I think it’s both fun and useful to spend some amount of time reflecting-on and discovering insights into our unique personalities and psyches. And yet as we do that, we gradually and naturally shed limitations and delusions regarding our selves (Or, more accurately, - our personalities) .... At least for me, I find that happening for myself more and more. Seeing what makes me "me" and also making less of a big deal about this "me." It's a both/and, - psychological growth and spiritual shedding. Then, - as I feel my oneness with others more and more often, I find that I have more potential points of contact with each unique individual, even people who seem to have very different personalities than my own. And so I notice similarities and differences in my personality and in others, both glorious and messy, all mirrored back to me in the beings I surround myself with. And the more often I share these blissful moments of overlap with others, the more relaxed and flowing my life feels. Dig in to connect out, seems to be the mantra. Become more conscious of the ways in which we are the same as others, and the ways in which we are uniquely different. And as I have become more conscious of the differences in choices (maybe conceived best as 'the rhythmic and elemental differences'), that I sometimes have with people, I notice that unlike when I was in highschool and my early-twenties, where these differences would cause outbursts of anger, fear, and especially judgment, I find my approach is naturally softening, as I consciously surround myself with people and experiences that sustain me, I am more compassionate to myself and others when the times are such that the experience is less than blissful or harmonious.

Thanks Don, for the love of the glorious and the messy. I know that as I love myself more, the more I find acceptance and equanimity in both shadow and light. <3

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append delete #1. Don Evans

Many thanks, Dee for your posting. As things turn out, it's the first on the new website! In an email letting me know that you were posting, you confessed that thus far you've only read the Introduction to the book. Yet what you provide here summarizes many of the key reflections that gradually emerge by the end of the book! Clearly we're kindred spirits!
Indeed, I'm almost going to recommend that people deeply ponder what you say as an alternative to reading my book! Not quite, for they would miss reading the story of the experiences that gave rise to the reflections.
Near the end you say that your approach is "naturally softening". It took me about 50 years longer to get to where you are now. Congratulations! You also say, "As I consciously surround myself with people and experiences that sustain me, I am more compassionate to myself and others when the times are such that the experience is less than blissful or harmonious". My very limited mobility prevents me from literally surrounding myself with such people, but online technology provides an alternative. And I do find that I'm becoming more compassionate to myself and others as I wrestle with the ails of aging.

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